I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
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