on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Randomize
