I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
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