and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
Randomize
