real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
