I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
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