he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Randomize
