Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
You made out with two different species that night
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
Is this like a preordered booty call?
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
