I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Randomize
