the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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