ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
