I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
Vodka?
Forever.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
Randomize
