I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
