...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
