Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
