My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
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