Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
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