She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
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