white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
It was a blind-side dick pic.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
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