the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
Come share oat with me in your robe
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
Randomize
