Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
they're like a gay fantastic four
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
I just want nice things and good sex
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
Randomize
