Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
Randomize
