The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
