two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
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