If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
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