is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Randomize
