Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
Randomize
