dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Randomize
