bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
Randomize
