It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
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Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
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It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
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