So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Randomize
