I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Randomize
