it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
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I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
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You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
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