I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Randomize
