Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
