It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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