This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
