So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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