Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
Randomize
