When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Randomize
