At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
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