I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
Randomize
