Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
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