mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
Found your dick twin last night
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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