Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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