I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
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