Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Randomize
