the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
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