please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
Randomize
