does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
