guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
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