In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
Randomize
