Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
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