Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
