How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
Randomize
