Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
