This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
Randomize
