So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
try to milk me bitch
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