Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
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