you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
They have beer where we have blood.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
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