ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
Randomize
