Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
Randomize
