grandma shit on top of the toilet
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
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