i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
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