he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
Randomize
