Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
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