Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Randomize
