I murdered the dance floor call the cops
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
