Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
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