I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Randomize
