brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
Randomize
