So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
I could fuck to npr.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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