non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
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