Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
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