Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Randomize
