i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
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im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
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It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
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