At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
Randomize
